Nothing more has happened with my ID theft since Thursday, so I’m happy. No news is good news in this case. Friday was graduation and I woke up around 7:40 with the worst migraine I’ve ever had in my entire life. It engulfed the whole left side of my head and ran down the side of my neck. I felt like I was going to puke and it hurt so bad I was crying. I waited an hour before I went downstairs to see Mom, because I didn’t want to wake her up, and by about 8:00 she and Dad were getting out of bed. I had taken aspirin, which did nothing, and then Mom gave me muscle relaxers. Those kicked in around 9:00 or so, and the pain was completely gone by 11:00. Then I went upstairs and went back to sleep until about 4:00.

When I woke up, I took one more muscle relaxer, and got ready to go to graduation. We got to Shepherdstown at exactly 6:00 and I was herded into line-up pretty soon thereafter. We all went and sat in our rows, it took about an hour to get to the second half of the alphabet (K through W). After everyone went, we did the recessional, and we went back to get our diplomas. I had gotten a medal for being summa cum laude, which is a 3.8 to 4.0 GPA (which I wore through the ceremony, but whatever). My diploma had my name misspelled on it. The name on it was Lindsey. I was so pissed. Of all the things to go wrong this past week. . . well, I should have known this would be one of those things. My migraine came back around the last names beginning with H, so after I got my diploma we hightailed it out of there.

We got home around 9:30 I think. Everyone else was getting something for dinner and I just went to bed. Despite having slept all day I was wiped. And I’ve been waking up between 5am and 8am thanks to Mario, who comes in my room asking for breakfast every morning. Yesterday I went to work (whoopee) and then came home and did a lot of nothing. Mom made me a Bloody Mary (heavy on the tomato juice) and after I drank that I pretty much went to bed. I don’t have to work today, so I might go to the mall. I don’t know about tomorrow, either, but Tuesday it’s back to work. Woo! And then I have to go to the high school and get my diploma fixed. There was something else I was going to do on Tuesday, too, but I don’t remember what it was.

In the next week or so I should be getting a book in the mail, as well as several new sets of bindis. I really hope I get a letter back from Marshall, too, because I’d really like to know what all is going to happen come August. It’s irritating that there will be no mail until Tuesday. Well . . . off I go into a free-time Sunday. As a parting gift I leave this link: Bleed American – Jimmy Eat World in celebration of an American holiday.

As you may or may not know, Friday was my last day of high school. All well and good. I came home at like noon, took a nap, woke up and was on the computer for a little while. Then the phone rings: It’s someone from my bank calling, asking me if I sent a wire. I didn’t even know what a wire WAS, so I said no, and the bank teller said that she must have the wrong member, and we hung up. After about a minute she calls back, and Mom answers. Mom talks to the lady and the bank lady tells her that I supposedly wired my $700 savings to “my cousin” in Eagan, Minnesota.

We hurried to the bank and found that whoever it was has my social security number, my home address, my last name, phone number, everything. They even got my signature because they requested my last check (which was my second to last check really), and it turns out they lifted my signature off the FAX of the check and copied it onto the wire request form. The person apparently used a relay for the hearing impaired (the hearing impaired person types to a person who’s making their phone call for them, who is typing the other person’s responses to the hearing impaired person–hence, relay) to hide their voice or make their call untraceable, leading me to believe they either have practice at this and/or are male. I’m thinking they probably got a hold of my information from an unsecure information transaction from eBay, but I can’t say for sure.

I took all my money out and closed my accounts, except for the $26.40 that my last check was written for. I really lucked out in that the ABA routing number that the person gave the bank was incorrect by only the last digit, and once the wire reached my bank’s main office in Parkersburg and hit the wall between there and Eagan, MN, the wire bounced back and the money came back into my account. The bank called me after the bounce, and I was able to recover all of my money. When we got home I called the SSN fraud hotline, Experian, Equifax, Trans Union, and the Federal Trade Commission. You can do close to nothing on a Friday evening, let me tell you. But luckily the wire form has the name and address of the fraud’s credit union, which I verified online, and a name of this supposed cousin, whom we think is either the thief, an accomplice, or another identity theft victim.

On Saturday Dad took me to the county police department to file a report. Turns out since the crime happened in the mall, it’s under the city department’s jurisdiction. They also couldn’t find any record of this Carole J. Pearson person, but I assume they checked a criminal database specifically, and if they’re still stealing identities I doubt they’re in that database anyway. After that I went to work, and Dad did some research at home. He found the name Carole Pearson, and their address and phone number. So we know that she exists, although not so much her role in this issue. At least for that..

On Sunday at work, I had nothing to do, and so I went to check my e-mail. I had nothing in Gmail, because in the middle of the day I usually don’t. I decided to check my Yahoo account for lack of anything better to do, and I have one new e-mail. It’s a notification about having forgotten my Gmail password from May 15th (Thursday), telling me how to go about resetting my password. I have never forgotten my password for Gmail, so I was a little confused. I went back to Gmail and double-checked that that’s how you get that specific e-mail, by saying that you can’t remember your password. I knew this was too close to the wire incident chronologically to be a coincidence. I vaguely recalled getting another password e-mail elsewhere that I hadn’t asked for, but I didn’t check that one until I got home.

When I got home around 4:00 I checked my Gmail account, and sure enough, there was an e-mail from Paypal from May 12th (Monday) that gave me a link to a password reset page. I remembered not knowing why I had gotten the e-mail when it actually got in my inbox originally, and it also being chronologically too close for comfort I first called Paypal’s 800 number. It was basically a waste of a call, so I went downstairs onto Mom’s computer and printed out both the Paypal e-mail and the Gmail one, and put them in my ever-growing folder of identity theft-related paperwork. Then off we went to the city police department’s office in City Hall. I talked to Officer Bettis for maybe ten to twenty minutes; he said that he was going to go talk to the tellers at the bank for clarification and that he was going to call the local FBI. He gave me his card and wrote the report number on the back of it, and Dad and I left.

Monday morning I woke up to find Dad lingering around the house phone, and Mom talking on it. A bank teller was on the other line, saying that the person had tried to gain access to my bank account again this morning, but they had told them that their computers were down. They asked them tons of security questions, even my mother’s maiden name, and the person knew all of it. The teller couldn’t outright say no to someone who knows so much of the account information.. But they did give the wrong birth year, if not just by typo’ing to the relay operator.

After that phone excursion Dad took me to our local Social Security Administration office in hopes of getting the ball rolling with changing my social security number. We waited for maybe half an hour for the chick at the counter to tell me “No, we don’t change social security numbers for that,” even though the Social Security Administration’s brochure on identity theft says that they do change social security numbers if other means of protection fail. I was livid. Dad and I made a run to the bank so that he could check on his account (and, as he says, to see if the tellers knew who I was; which of course they did, they had just called our house an hour or two earlier), and then we went home to make more phone calls to the credit bureaus and to the social security fraud hotline, none of which were ANY help whatsoever.

Around noon Mom took me back to City Hall so that we could get the written police report, but the people at the desk said that I had to wait for Officer Bettis to come on duty at 4:00, so I went in to work around 12:40 this afternoon. After work, Mom picked me up, and we went back again, waited about twenty minutes, and talked to the cop about what happened this morning. He really couldn’t do much of anything, but we did get a copy of the complaint to show the Social Security Administration office in Winchester, where they said they could get me a new social security number with the right documentation. I have to wait until Saturday at least, though, which really bothers me.

Today after graduation practice Mom took me to the bank to get a typed and signed statement from Suzy at the bank, who told us that the bank in Eagan had called to ask about the wire on behalf of Carole J. Pearson. After that Mom and I went to the FBI office in Martinsburg. We went up to the U.S. Attorney General Office (apparently) on the fourth floor, and eventually got to talk to an FBI agent. He was well over six feet tall and had a Snively Whiplash mustache. This guy knew what we were talking about and actually seemed concerned. He was the first person outside of my family to realize how sophisticated this theft is. He gave me his business card and told me to call him if anything happens, and told me to submit a complaint to IC3, which I did when I got home. After that I put all the paperwork in order by date and by order of receipt, then I put the little papers in a little envelope and now everything is in chronological order for the next time I have to show someone those documents. This way I’ll have plenty to show the SSA in Winchester, and I can get a new social.

After I get my new ssn, then I can get a new bank account, and now I find that this is really all I can do in hopes that this never happens again (see LifeLock article from Yahoo.com). Until then, my identity is still stolen, and they could still ruin my nonexistent credit. I am 18 years old. I just finished high school, literally. I’m going to have to change my social security number, I had to close my bank accounts, I’m honestly surprised that I don’t have to change my name since they have all the information they need to get my new social security number (if they persist.) I really hope the police catch them, or at least they stop using my information. This is an absolute nightmare.

Original Post Date: May 16 (Friday)

Update: May 19 (Monday)

Around 11:00 last night, I got a text message from Steve asking me if I had any money. I thought that was amazingly ironic, but it was also out of the blue so I asked him why. He invited me to go laser-bowling with him and a few of his friends from Hedgesville. This was also ironic because I had told Justin that he, Alberto, Steve, and I should go bowling together sometime. So I got dressed and he came with two of his friends to pick me up and back up the street we went. We used a free shoe rental card that Hedgesville apparently gave their tennis team, which I thought was rather funny because I was wearing my bright green bulldog sweatshirt (but the lady behind the shoe counter couldn’t see it, because the counter is up to my chin). We went over to lane 19 and Steve and I bowled two games before we dropped out for lack of feeling in our wrists. Halfway through the first game I had to go grab a Mr. Pibb to stave off the shaking in my hands. I always came in second or third but I never was the loser. Words was, actually, so… ha.

Anyway, after Steve and I dropped out of the bowling, we went into the games section. I spent $2 or $3 at the Slam Win or whatever it’s called (basically, you press this red button to drop a bouncy ball, and the bouncy ball goes into one of the holes that are all labeled with different amounts of tickets). I actually ended up spending at least $5 on that machine altogether. I dropped the ball straight in three times, once into 3, once into 8, and once into 25 (after I dropped it into 3, the first time, Steve said, “I bet you couldn’t do that again if you tried.” And after I dropped the 8 he stood corrected.) I actually went and bought curly fries so that I didn’t have to put a straight $5 into the coin machine. The fries weren’t very good anyway.

We had 333 tickets when all was said and done, and I got a plastic little dartboard with two darts, Steve got a Laffy Taffy, and I got myself a green Tootsie Roll. After that we piled in to the one girl’s old Caddy and Steve and one of his friends tried to give her directions to my house. Amazingly enough she didn’t miss it the first time. When I got home I went downstairs to see Mom, then I came upstairs and got comfortable. I lost my emerald green bindi taking off my sweatshirt, which makes me really sad because it is an awesome color. It’s on my floor somewhere, the trick is to find it in the mess of where it came off.

I talked online for a little bit and at 2 am I went to bed. (This morning at about 6:40 Mario decided that I should wake up and pet him and give him milk, but that’s another day and another story. Not that there’s much more to it than that.) And so today I have to go to work and then go fill out a police report about my identity theft. It’s going to be a long weekend.

Your one and only,

Sacha Lynn

So today was the last day of my high school career. It was alright, I guess, overall. When I got up this morning I sent Gnorski a text message about what we were supposed to wear, and instead of txting me back he actually called me. We talked for five or ten minutes about the graduation stuff and about orange. Then after we got off the phone and I had all my stuff in tow, Nicci and I went out to catch the bus. I ended up wearing my graduation cap, and it was drizzling/raining out (of course, because God hates when I straighten my hair). I had also forgotten my headphones for my phone, and I had nothing to play with or munch on. That made the bus ride very boring, and parts of the rest of the day, too, actually.

I stood out with the group in the morning and Gnorski brought me a hat to cover my hair with like I asked him to when I was on the bus. I did a lot of just standing, as usual. After the bell rang Danielle and I went to check in with our first period/homeroom teachers, then we headed up to Mrs. McLaughlin’s room for the breakfast that she’d made for the seniors. I eventually found Gnorski and got him up there, too, and Danielle and I kind of ninja-forced him to eat something. After breakfast the three of us went downstairs to make lock returns, and we picked up Robert on the way (the big diesel kid who meows). I had a tough time getting someone to take my lock, let me tell you. No one seemed to want the stupid thing. Once we finally got rid of my lock (thanks to Mrs. Demick), Danielle, James, Gnorski, Robert, and I went to the auditorium where they were taking individual pictures. (Aside: I saw Jeff with his new hair cut. He looks amazing. I am so happy he cut that off, he doesn’t look like a girl anymore!)

After about ten minutes Gnorski decided that today was pointless, so he changed into his sweatshirt and left to be with his married girlfriend. I was sad, because I knew I was either going to be annoyed by everyone or ignored by them. It turned out to be the latter, actually. Danielle went off with Shannon, James found Erin, Ben and Sara were together, Candace was with maybe Jen and someone, and so.. I went to sit in Pockets’ seat in the auditorium–the one that’s different from all the other ones there. I think it’s a seat seven. Anyway, so I just kind of sat there and watched everyone else. Jeremiah was the only other person in the row a bit away from me and I don’t think he noticed I was there, even when we were all supposed to be getting up and going, and I was standing there waiting for him to change and get out of my way. (I eventually went the other way, cut through another isle, and got way in front. Win.)

When we were herded into the cafeteria to figure out where we were supposed to be going for the class meeting at 9:30, I met up with Cortney and Ben. We just kind of stood there until the announcement came on that Knight through the end of the alphabet were supposed to be in the auditorium, where we came from, of course. So we headed back that way, and I sat down in the row that was Erin, James, Sara, and Emily. I sat next to Emily and Ben sat next to me, for about a second, if even. Then he got up and went all the way back around all the seats to sit next to Erin instead. That just kind of hurt my feelings a little.

So I got up and went and sat by myself until I saw Leann. I went up to grab her (since she and I sit next to each other in line-up anyway), and we sat together and waited for our names to be called. She changed into her cap and gown and went to get her individual picture taken just as we were getting our seats. I sit in seat 4, Nathaniel sits in seat 5, and Leann sits in seat 3. Jeremiah sits in the seat directly behind me, between an Ian and Viral, and Chelsea sits in front of me. While we were sitting in line-up they talked to us about graduation practice, about things we may or may not owe the school, and all that. It was really boring except for the people I was sitting around. Nathaniel said he felt like he was a member of a cult. I felt like I was at Hogwarts and Jeff and Ben felt like Jedi. Jedi at Hogwarts maybe, there we go!

Once we got out of there we all went to the field house for pictures. Brittany Levardi wasn’t there today, so I was the shortest person in line (I’m about the second shortest person in our graduating class. Ugh!). It took a long time for us all to get up in the stands, and somehow I ended up in the fifth row behind someone who was taller than me even when I was on a riser. So I had to stand up on the actual seat of the bleacher to see over her hat. I was a little miffed about that, but oh well. We probably stood just setting up for a good 45 minutes, and they took probably 20 pictures. It felt like forever, really. And once they were done taking pictures there was a bum rush to get off the bleachers and get the hell out of Dodge.

I called Mom and waited for her to show up. Ben came up to talk to me while I was waiting, I don’t know why he bothered. I asked him if he was going to that cook out thing that Erin and Phoebe and James were going to, because he mentioned that he was getting a ride home from his mom, and he said he wasn’t going because Sara wasn’t going and because Erin “would act weird.” Which I thought was hypocritical, after he went through all the trouble of going all the way around the middle section of seats in the auditorium to sit next to her. I just kind of humored his conversation but I really wanted him to leave me alone, I was amazingly irritated. He had been a part of the group that was going yesterday, and so suddenly he has a change of heart because Erin acts weird? Yeah, right.

When my mommy showed up, we left and got home around noon. When I got home I sat on the computer and played games for a little bit, and then I went to sleep. I woke up around 3:00 and listened to some Dr. Phil and found that I’d missed a call around 2:00 from Danielle.. But she didn’t leave a message, so obviously it wasn’t that important. And basically now here I am writing about the last day I ever have to see the inside of Martinsburg Senior High School. I have the rest of today and tonight free, then Saturday, Sunday, and Monday I work, Tuesday morning is graduation practice, and then Tuesday afternoon until Friday afternoon Mom and I are going up to Jersey and taking a train to New York City. Huzzah!

pxc,

Sacha Lynn

Dear pinkie toe on my left foot,

Please stop bleeding. I didn’t mean to smash you into that door, and although I did mean to cut you open I didn’t mean to miss. I got it the second time and got all the inner bleeding out, what more can you expect of me? I didn’t realize there would be no painful sensation from the knife when I slid it across your skin. I’m sorry, please stop hurting?

So I’m getting better now. I spent the beginning of the week in tatters, but now I’m adjusting. I guess it just takes time to readjust when your whole world seems to shift just a tiny bit. Monday was the JRTI end-of-the-year picnic, which was loads of fun. Then on Tuesday I went to work, and voted on the Republican ballot (whoop whoop?). On Wednesday Mom, Britt, and I went clothes shopping, and then that night Mom and I went out in the backyard and made up a fire, and had some wine coolers and orange. At about 10 o’clock we went inside so that I could watch Law & Order and Mom could do the same, as well as mend the skirt that I stepped on and ripped the back of probably way back in August.

In other news, today was my last day at James Rumsey Technical Institute. I wore my: skirt with the jingles on it, skull bell earrings, six bangles, bell Tyler bought me from China Town in New York when he went in like 2005, and, of course, my backpack and keys. I was the loudest thing in every hallway through which I went. Indeed, I was very pleased with myself. Then when I got to Rumsey the guys were just getting on my nerves today. Especially Alberto, not letting me take pictures of him! Argh! I did get one decent picture of him, though. I also got one of Steve and two of Justin (because he’s the only one who’d sit still; he’s such a photowhore). But Alberto and Justin were really getting on my nerves and I actually had to change into my steel-toes in case I had to kick one of them. Jeremiah, Jairo, and Casey were getting a kick out of how close I was to kicking their asses, especially Berto. And Jeremiah said I could be a gladiator because of all the weight I’ve carried in my backpack. That was pretty comical.

On the way home from Rumsey, I got a text message from Justin. It was almost sad, like I had just left a puppy behind who could not only make puppy-dog eyes at me before I left but could cry at me afterward. He said, “I guess I will never see you again. See you later.” It was just the saddest thing, I swear! I told him maybe, but I’m thinking I might try to get my boys back together for a game of bowling or something. They are my pals, even if I do have to hurt them every once in a while to maintain my alpha status. Haha! I’ll definitely have to get together with them sometime over the summer, so they don’t think I’ve abandoned them. Poor puppies. (Just kidding!) Also, Gnorski laid down in his bus seat and had his head out in the aisle facing upward, and I just couldn’t help but laugh. I told him it was different, and he of course asked me why. I told him: “It’s just weird because your hair’s actually up here,” and I ran my hand over his beard for emphasis. I don’t think he got it, though. I thought it was hilarious.

After we got off the bus we emptied out my locker to find out that my mom was coming around 2:45 by my locker so we could take my stuff out.. so Jon and I had to stuff all that junk back in. We went and stood in front of the school as usual, and it was pretty much like normal. Nobody acted sad, and I don’t think any of us really were, except maybe some of the juniors. Gnorski went back to my locker with me around 2:45 to help me clean out my locker (again) and carry stuff out to the Jeep, and oddly enough he took most of the stuff that was in the locker. I totally wasn’t expecting him to step up like that; I meant for him to pick up what I couldn’t, not the other way around! But that was okay too. After that Mom took me to work, and thus, well, I worked.

When I got home Mommy made calzones, and as usual I only could eat about half of mine. Not that I hadn’t had Tostitos and salsa and strawberries before dinner, but I probably wouldn’t have eaten more than half even had I not eaten beforehand. After dinner I got on my computer, and that’s basically been my night. Then a few minutes ago (maybe; probably 15-30 minutes now) I came out of the bathroom and stubbed my toe. I stubbed my little toe bad enough to have a little bit of bleeding under the skin. Sergio gave me the bright idea to cut it open and bleed out the blood pocket, so I grabbed my knife and cut. Unfortunately, I missed the pocket and just cut my toe open. After sopping that mess up I tried again and actually did it that time. But then it seemed like it wasn’t going to stop bleeding.. but of course, as soon as I put a Band-Aid on it, it decides to stop bleeding. Right, thanks God. Once I was satisfied I wasn’t going to need stitches (I’m kidding, I did not seriously think I would) I went downstairs and poured some rubbing alcohol over my toe so it wouldn’t get infected by my amazing knife that I use to cut anything that happens to need to be cut when scissors are not handy.

And now it is almost 12:30 in the morning, and tomorrow is my last day of high school. We’re taking pictures, and I already know I’m going to look shitty. But that’s okay, because most of these people will never contact me again. Whee! Oh and tomorrow I get to see Jeff with his hair cut short again! Excitement! Alright, time for me to hit the hay. Goodnight, WP.

xoxo,

Sacha Lynn

Last night I found out that my best friend Ryan has a girlfriend. It was kind of a rude way to find out; she signed on his MSN in the middle of a conversation he and I were having. Rose and I talked, and of course it was about him.. I definitely spilled my guts to her. She’s apparently a law student who speaks Japanese. I’m sure she loves him.. but so do I, and that’s what makes it hurt so bad. It’s not just that he never told me, or that I had to ask her for certain things about him that are more factual than personal (i.e., his last name; sad, right?). She knew who I was, which I found really weird in the first place.. Then she said that he talks about me a lot, and that he once actually said he felt like calling me (not that he did, obviously. I would remember).

Rose asked me, “Anata.. daisuki Ryan-sama?” which means You.. like Ryan? or love. So I told her: “When we were about 13 or 14, I thought I was in love with him. I wanted to move with him to Singapore and have lots of pets, lol. But now I can be satisfied with just being friends if he’d let me in a little more. He’s been my best friend for a long time and I wish I could be that for him too.” She also asked me if I want to date him, and I told her that I don’t consider it because it’s impossible. He doesn’t want to meet me in person (and I imagine now I know why?), so dating is nowhere near the radar. There wasn’t too much more to the conversation. Then she signed off and he came back on, and.. I guess someone had said something rude or mean to her, and Ryan was pissed. But he did say that she was indeed his girlfriend and her name was Rose. (I had my suspicions that a cousin of his or his sister might have hacked his account. I don’t know why, really.) Other than that he wouldn’t talk to me anymore. And I was shattered, and I’m still not entirely sure why. I’ve been pondering the fact, and I’ve come to only one probably inaccurate conclusion.

For one thing, being in love with someone for somewhere between five and seven years is a lot of emotional energy. Then you add the elusive behavior, but the perfect complementary personality, and.. I’m not sure what that makes, except I never really let go of the idea of him. I have an image in my head of this dorky, kind of cute dark kid in glasses that I would love to meet, but I’m sure he isn’t what I imagine he is; not that it matters, because I don’t think he’ll ever show me what he looks like, much less ever meet me. And if there’s been anything I’ve really wanted in my life, aside from getting the hell out of this town, it’s wanting to meet him. I really wanted him to come to my graduation, too.. But I realize that isn’t going to happen, even though he could if he really cared enough.

And you know, having no sexuality makes you feel really different from everyone else (well, you may not know, because apparently this isn’t all that common in people who already hit puberty nine years ago). I thought that maybe because I was so in love with him that if anything ever did come of him and me, I guess that maybe my sexuality would come awake finally, for real. But of course, that was dumb, and I’ve always known it was. I knew it was dumb to have any feelings toward him in the first place, but what could I really do? So I feel like somehow I’ve lost my chance at becoming human. And I just feel amazingly empty. I don’t know, I guess I thought he could be my knight in shining armor or my ninja in a dark mask or whatever. I always thought that someday he would come around and live up to that “when I meet you.”

I remember in tenth grade I went to this Chispa festival, a Spanish thing at Hedgesville, and they had the most amazing mango lollipops. Ryan was the one who got me into mango in the first place, so I got one of the lollipops for him, and planned on saving it so that I could give it to him when I met him. Well, obviously it’s still sitting in a drawer waiting for him. I had hopes at first, then I realized how foolish it was. But it’s kind of like the spoon you put under your pillow in hopes of snow, you know? I’ve kept it there for two years now, and I know I will never eat it.. It’s kind of like a pathetic symbol of my desperation and my rejection. It kind of has the same sentimental value as the songs “Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)” (he had to sing that at his 8th grade graduation, and he hated it, but I thought it was cute..) and “Middle of Nowhere” and “For the Longest Time” (he randomly started singing that after I said “woah” once on MSN; yes, even e-singing is a surefire way to my heart, I admit it) and anything by Asian Kung-Fu Generation or Bond or Hot Hot Heat.

It’s hard to explain falling in love with a boy over the internet without looking a fool. But there’s still the element of conversation there, and there’s still a level of intimacy that comes from only ever talking to someone, without the contamination of physical attraction or repulsion. Also with Ryan and me, when I moved from Florida to West Virginia he was the only friend that stayed with me through the move; that made him very important to me. He’s been my friend for almost half my life, and really was there for me when I came online just needing someone to talk to. The fact that he lives no more than six hours away from me now makes it hurt even worse that he doesn’t want to hang out with or even meet me. At first I thought that was amazing, and that sometime when my mom and I went to visit my grandmother I could go see him, too. The joke’s on me, though.

I tend to feel foolish for having fallen in love with him when I knew so little actually about him, but then the facts about a person aren’t what you fall in love with. You fall in love with them. And unfortunately I did, and I’ve held out in hopes that maybe someday he could love me back. And last night that hope was crushed, and I just feel empty. I cried for a long time last night, didn’t sleep well; I held back tears this morning, and slept all afternoon. Now I’m crying again and I was hoping that typing this out would make me feel at least a tiny bit better (not to mention make my mom feel better; she’s worried about me now). It feels like if Ryan doesn’t love me, the one person outside of my immediate family who knows close to everything about me, then no one ever will. I understand this is irrational but I don’t know how else to feel right now.

So I think I will start college in the fall. I’ve mapped out all the things I want to do over the summer, sans the month-long trip (I can’t really afford that… maybe next summer). I came to the conclusion that more or less everything was a 1-3 day affair, and that I could do that as long as I only work 3 days a week. Then maybe that leaves me one day in between, somewhere. But in any case. Skydiving will only take 1-2 days; our trip to New York, probably 2-3; a trip to the zoo is one day; a theme park would be one day; going to the Mutter Museum in Philly might be a 2-day trip; Moundsville and the Trans-Alleghany Lunatic Asylum might take two days each if I can even go; then the rest is reading Moby Dick and studying my languages and working on my writing.

Oh yeah, and I’ve also decided that before I leave the library I’m going to self-print one volume of my own poetry so that they can have it there. It would be amazing, I think. They have books on book binding there, so I can pick one or two up and figure out how much that costs. It’s really the printing the pages that’s a doozy for me. Although I rather like the effect of our fucked up printer, it looks nice on the edges of poetry. I’ll have to see if they could take it even, although I don’t see why not. It’s actually literary, not.. obscene. The good ones, anyway; I lost all the really bad ones when I switched over to Linux. It would definitely be called “Maps to Imaginary Places,” and if I could write a poem with that title it would be awesome. (But last time I tried to write a poem based on a title, it came out really pretty bad.. so I’m not so keen on that idea.) I think I’ll pick about.. 50 poems to put in my little book. I could probably make one for the school, but I don’t think they would want it, ha ha.

I had meant to do all of my government homework today, until I realized that it is indeed Saturday. That means I have today, tomorrow, Monday, and Tuesday to finish all that work. So there was no reason for me to waste all day doing something boring when I could be helping my mom pick out plants, making pasta, taking a shower, and editing a story of mine. Which I may go back and do more of after I’m done ruminating (once again) on the status of my life and the things I plan to do with it. I’m working on Jake Morrigan’s Story, which I started in maybe 2002 or 2004, and I really love the story but I hate how I wrote it, and certain things I included in it. There’s room for a lot of improvement there, and I’m going to do it paragraph by paragraph. Isn’t that just so diligent of me.

I think half a normal-sized post is decent for a lazy Saturday.

I’m going to go change the poem in my Featured Work page.

xoxo,

Sacha Bear

So there are four days left of school for the graduating class of 2008. I’m ecstatic that it’s finally here. I can finally cut ties with everyone I don’t want (which is, unfortunately, a lot of people here) and do some things I’ve wanted to do. I’m going to spend more time with my family–all of them–while I’m here and start to shape my lifestyle the way I want it to be.

On Monday I’m going to the all-day picnic at Rumsey, which will kind of be my final hurrah with the boys. Tuesday is election day, so I’m going to go vote, and then I’ll go to work. On Wednesday I’ll have to make up my objectives quiz in English, and that’ll be my final grade in that class, and we’ll have our last test in precal on circles, parabolas, ellipses, and hyperbolas. That’ll be my last grade in there, too. In government I’ll have to finish my test (if she ever shuts up about election day), and we’ll never get to the finance chapter. Automotive on Wednesday will be the End of Program test. Thursday’s the last day for seniors at Rumsey, and I’ll probably take [the contents of] my box home with me–or at least to my locker. Then Friday is cap and gown picture day, and we really won’t be going to any of our classes. It’ll be have a nice life, don’t come back to campus until after graduation.

The quarry will be my last hurrah with any of my contacts from Martinsburg (except maybe Candi, who probably deserves more of my attention than she’s getting lately, and anyone who happens to take the initiative to contact me and invite me to do something with them), and I’m sure it’ll be fun. I hope Mike (Krispy) comes again. And I’m sure we’ll do something special in DiGi’s honor.. After that it’ll just be my family, my co-workers, and me in my little world. Sometime in June I’ll be going skydiving, and for senior week this month I’m going to New York City with my mom. Hopefully I’ll get a letter from Marshall so that I know when to plan my month of travel.

I was talking to my mom yesterday (after I got done writing my last post, actually), and she asked me whether I wanted to go to the city, since I really don’t want to go to the beach for senior week. I told her I didn’t want to take Brittney’s and her beach trip away from them, but she assured me that since it’s my graduation time that things are about me. She asked me if I remembered how much time they had spent on Brittney’s graduation and trips and birthday, and I said, “No. See, from my point of view, it’s always been about Brittney. All this attention suddenly just seems like guilt [about me going away to college] to me.” She thought that was just the healthiest train of thought ever (but not really).

Today after school I was supposed to go to a young writer’s meeting, but I really needed to take a bath. By the time I got out of the tub it was 3:30, and by the time we would have been there it would have been at least 4:00. Since the meetings end at 4:30, Mom and I decided to skip out and hit the mall. I had to go deposit my $100 paycheck (I know, sad, right?), and then I needed some stuff for my hands, since I shed, and something for my feet, because they have a tendency to sweat a lot and stink horribly. I ended up with some shea butter cream and baby powder. At the self-checkout the guy behind us pointed out a $1 bill on the floor by the machine, so I picked it up. That was pretty cool. Then on our way home we stopped at the ROCS on the corner of Winchester and Wilson and got cappuccinos, my treat. I got a hot chocolate mixed with.. something I can’t remember the name of now. They replaced something with Jamaican Me Crazy, which wasn’t all that great, and the flavor they replaced had been to my old cappuccinos what hot chocolate had to be to the one today. I was kind of sad.

When we got home we decided that Chinese food was a good idea, and hopefully she, Nicci, and I will go to China City Buffet for dinner (because Brittney and Dad are killjoys). I haven’t had Chinese food for a long time! And it’s been longer since we’ve actually gone out to eat, not counting fast food stops after long days of school functions and failure. (Okay, I’m just kidding about the failure.) If we don’t go tonight, well.. I’m pretty desperate, I might just take myself. I only have $11, but the bank is just up the road from the restaurant.

Tomorrow is going to be riddled with American Readings for my AP Government class. If I don’t do it tomorrow I’ll never do it. I should also probably do some precalculus and study for my EOP a little, since my photographic memory is useless on the actual test. And I have to find out what languages are available at Marshall, since I’m sure they require two years of a foreign language for graduation, too. If Spanish is what I have to take, I’m definitely going to take a placement test. And if I can take anything else (other than French, German, and, God forbid, Latin), I probably will. Spanish is boring after you already speak it. I guess that goes for any language, really. It’s not fascinating to beat the dead horse, you know. I can build vocabulary on my own, and grammar comes easily enough with use and a little effort. A Portuguese program would be amazing.

In other news, I have to restart my computer. FrostWire froze up and I still have yet to figure out how to Control Alt Delete Linux programs, so to speak. Oh! Update on the language issue: “Students can fulfill their foreign language requirement by taking 12 hours of either Arabic, French, German, Greek, Japanese, Latin, Portuguese, or Spanish. The Department of Modern Languages offers a major or minor in French, German, Japanese, and Spanish.” Suh-weet.

xoxo,

Sacha Lynn

In automotive yesterday, during a suspension discussion, Mr. Brand asked if anyone could “find a rack in this room.” (Keeping in mind he had one sitting out on a table behind me..) J.D. Allman cuts a look at me and says, “Oh yeah I can.” I was beyond I can’t believe he said that. Only Pete, Steve, and I apparently even heard him.

Pete said, “Stop it, you’re making her self-conscious!” Which leads me to think Oh great, they’ve been staring at my boobs this whole year. No wonder. I hope I didn’t turn red. (I should be used to that kind of thing by now.) No one else said anything, though, so I was OK.

After Rumsey, while Gnorski and I were talking, he said he’d buy me ice cream at the mall after school. I got to the mall around 3:45, because all I wanted was an hour or so and then to go home and do my usual. I sent him a text message and he said he’d be out (from the back room at the Dollar Tree) “later.”So I hung out with my sister until she left. Then I went and got cheese fries, because I had started shaking. When I got up to go get a quarter-pop from Walmart I ran into Ron. He and I hung out for a while and eventually ended up at the DDR machine so he could play. Danielle’s brother showed up at the machine and surrendered his play money (all 75 cents) to Ron. After his two games (six songs) he went to the back of the Dollar Tree with Munchie and I went to sit in the food court, because I refuse to go back there any more.

At about 5 o’clock I texted Gnorski again and he said he hadn’t expected me to be there so early even though I had told him I was there around 3:30. Ryan even came by and offered to buy me the ice cream. Of course, I said no, that wasn’t really the point. Then at 5:30 I went out to wait for my mom. A lady came up to me while I was waiting for Mom and talked to me for a little bit. Some optimistic, cautionary stuff. It made me feel a little better and a little worse at the same time.

Then I went home, shut down my computer, and cried. Then I had tea and dinner with Mom, and did my homework with Dominic. I didn’t so much cry about this particular incident as about how often most of my “friends” do disappoint me this way. Is it because of me, or do I just pick unreliable friends? Is it something wrong with me? Sometimes I don’t know what to think about any of it. I like to think that it’s them who’s the problem, not me.. but it’s hard to believe when 98% of everyone I know is this way. Is it possible to have so many inept “friends?” I’m tired of carrying all the weight in my friendships. That’s not to say they’re all that way, but a lot of them are, and it hurts sometimes.

Today I stayed inside in the morning and wrote most of what I’ve just written. My music put me in kind of a sour mood, but I didn’t let it get me down all day. I didn’t get a lot of work done, really, but I think I did really well on my English test on The Color Purple. I guess it wasn’t so bad after all. We put off a test yet again in AP Government (not like anything in that class matters after the exam, anyway), and I found out I have a lot of work to make up there. I have three things I have to do for precal tonight, which is kind of a bummer. But dad’s buying pizza, and even getting half with olives on it, so all is well. At JRTI they had the Triple A Awards (Attendance, Attitude, and Achievement); Justin Shreve won for our class both the AAA award (a t-shirt) and the Director’s Award (a medal). Chaz from Pro-Start won the Zune raffle, that was pretty cool.

After Rumsey I got on the bus and Gnorski was sitting in the back, whereas usually he sits up front across from me so we can talk. Needless to say I was a little hurt after yesterday.. So I listened to my music and put myself in a mood again. I almost cried, but I didn’t. Then I went to my locker by myself and stood outside by myself. After the bell rang I went to wait for Danielle so we could walk to the library together, and while I was standing there Gnorski put his arm around my shoulders and gave me a light hug that way. I was really in a don’t fucking touch me mood but I was also sad and wanted some attention, especially from him after what happened yesterday (I know, it’s kind of pathetic.. deal with it), so I let him kind of pull me to my right and hug me. But I didn’t hug him back and didn’t even look at him. I feel kind of terrible about it now.

Danielle and I walked to the library, talking about graduation and college and whatnot. While we were there and I was working, we reminisced a little, talked about the future a little, and ate gherkins and had coffee and got picked on by Kris. It was more fun than I had expected it would be, since Danielle has a tendency to pout and/or be moody. After work Dad picked me up and we came home, he fixed my computer’s stupidity and lent me these two classical music CD’s, one’s an all-women’s orchestra and the other is only violins. I’m listening to Passion right now, the violin one is called Infernal Violins. It has stuff from Faust in it apparently. Dad just ordered us a pizza with ham, sausage, green peppers, and half with olives, and two Cokes. After dinner I’ll probably go take a shower and then get on this precalculus homework.

Ohh, and I started writing something in Spanish today (during English class, where else?). It’s this:

¿Por qué son círculos rojos? Empiezan con el sonido “s,” aun cuando la palabra empieza con la letra “c.” Supongo que sonido me da impresiónes. Me da impresiónes de color. Colores me dan impresiónes de sentimiento; por tanto, sonido cambia mis sentimientos. Pero círculos no me enojan, aunque son rojos. Y rojo no me enoja, particularmente. Amarillo me molesta, pero triángulos son amarillos y son mis formas favoritas.

Triángulos son amarillo o anaranjado. Son mis formas favoritas aunque amarillo me molesta. Anaranjado me alegre. No hay nada sentimientos conectado con triángulos. (Pues, ¡el mío que dibujé me da hambre porque me aparece como un Cheez-It!)

That’s all I have for now, though. Wow, it’s been a long time since I’ve had good pizza! Thank goodness for Papa John’s. Out now–

I stayed home from school yesterday because of how late we got home. I slept in until about 11 o’clock. At about two o’clock I checked the mail and had gotten my bindi (head decoration) for prom just in time. (I ordered them on Sunday and I didn’t think they would get here until today.) At about 4:15 I started getting ready, and Jeff came to pick me up at 4:30. Mom took pictures* and then we were on our way in Jeff’s dad’s Monte Carlo. We went to Olive Garden in Hagerstown and waited the half hour to be seated. The food was amazing. I had something called a shrimp caprese (it was about $16, I felt terrible, but Jeff said he didn’t mind) and minestrone, and it definitely was as delicious as I remember it being from when I was a kid. We both had gotten something with shrimp in it, actually. I got a box for the little bit of food I didn’t eat, and then we went to his dad’s house so that he could change his suit.

When we got there, Jeff went to change from his gray suit to his white one, and I sat downstairs and talked with his dad and dad’s girlfriend. When Jeff came downstairs, oh my god he was glowing that suit was so white. (I told Camille at the dance that I probably looked like a cloud of doom next to him.) His dad fixed his tie, and then we went outside to take pictures.* Jeff’s sister was coming home from someone’s house while we were out there, and from about halfway across their yard she yells, “Oh my gosh, she’s so pretty!” And when she got closer she said it again. I was like Wow, now if only I could get a guy to react that way. It’s always girls… but at least it was someone.**

After the photo shoot was finished, we were on our way again–this time to the Holiday Inn for the dance. We got onto Foxcroft Avenue and almost got hit by someone coming out of Outback (on my side, too; that was scary)… and then coming up on the turn to go to the Inn I asked him if he had his ticket. So we had to drive back to his dad’s house so that he could get his ticket. Then we went back and made it to the Holiday Inn in one piece.

Once we got there we basically mutually ditched each other. I went to sit with Tara, Nelson, Ruben, Carmen, Ryan, Suzanne, Koby, and his girlfriend on one side of the dance floor, and Jeff was mostly with all the people we stand with in the morning, on the other side of the dance floor. They’re mostly annoying girls, so I was okay with the separation. Well, not only annoying girls, but they’re mostly also his exes. Ahem.. I slow danced with Tara to a Goo Goo Dolls song, next to Nelson and this guy named Noah. The song after that Tara and Nelson danced together, and Tara suggested that Noah and I dance together, and I looked up at him and just laughed… He was so tall! I said, “Do you really want to dance?” He told me it was up to me, so I decided we should go get food instead, and he thought that was a good idea too.

After a while I got my camera out and went looking for pictures. I got a picture of Noah at the table; Candace and Kim; Suzanne and Ryan (twice); Tara and Nelson; Erin, Sara, and Ben; Ben and Sara; Denver and Erin; Kaitlyn; Mike; Liz and Dillon (twice); Jen; and Amy and Camille. Ben also felt the need to get a picture of Jeff and me.* (He got a picture of just me, too.) We also eventually went to get that professional picture done, with the background and all that.* I spent the latter half of the dance walking around. I danced a little to “One More Time” and “Sandstorm,” but mostly I went around looking for people. I talked to Cortney, ran into Mike a few times, Sonny, this one dude who kept touching me when he talked to me (kinda creeped me out a little).

At about 11:26 they started the last song. It was a slow dance song, and since the rest of my group at the table was leaving or had already left, I grabbed my bag and went over to tell Jeff I was ready to leave. He was just going with Leah (his latest ex) to the dance floor, but when he saw me he told her he should take this dance with me. I almost felt bad, but then again… I was his date. So Jeff and I slow danced to some song I didn’t and still don’t know, while someone behind me (I think it was Kadey) watched my shoes light up when I stepped.

Who ever would have thought, Jeff and me… not only spending time together alone, but going to our senior prom (and not to mention holding each other around the waist for 340723958724 pictures). It was also ironic, considering our weird friendship started off with him telling Danielle, Whitney, and me that he liked them but didn’t like me. I kicked him for the next two years for that one. But I had a lot of fun last night, really.

I saw James on our way out to the car. He was going to go to the bowling alley with a group of the people who were going. When we left we had to stop by his mom’s house for yet again more pictures.* We stood in her living room, and one of her cats seemed to fall in love with me. She was rubbing her head against my feet and my ankles and just ate it up when I pet her. It made me wonder why my cat, of all cats, was so damn antisocial. Once we left his mom’s house we went back to his dad’s so that he could change into some normal clothes. After that he took me home. He was going to the bowling alley too, and I was going to go, but nobody would take me. I told James we should take a rain check on the pool game. (I told Jeff he should play pool with me, and he said he doesn’t really like it; I mentioned it to James and he was all for it. I told James about that, and James asked him “How can you not like pool?” I said, “Well, I’d say it’s because he’s gay, but…” [James is gay.])

So when I got home my brother saw me in my dress, and so did my dad. I talked with my mom for a little bit, and then she went to bed. Then I went and changed and I got to bed around 1 o’clock. Then I slept until 10 or 11 this morning. I had a lot of fun. The past two days have been pretty damn amazing. And for the record, we got pictures taken about five times, not counting how many actual pictures were taken. (Which is probably somewhere along the lines of ten, actually.) I am definitely camera’ed out. I hope I get to go see Voltaire and Ego Likeness tonight.

** Update Monday, May 5, 2008: John from diesel (the goofy one, not Roudy) complimented me about how I looked at prom.

My Thursday probably could not have been more amazing. I didn’t go to school because of a drunk driving awareness thing they do for Prom Promise. (They have a person walking around in a Scream mask with a scythe, who picks people to have their faces painted white to show that they are “dead,” and these people get a piece of paper with a statistic about drunk driving deaths attached to the fronts of their shirts and aren’t allowed to talk for the rest of the day. People with their faces covered scare me, and every year on this day of prom preparations I panic, so I just decided to stay home this year and avoid the unease.) So I stayed home on my computer and did some laundry, etc. We left for Allentown, Pennsylvania, at about 1:30 to see Streetlight Manifesto, Zox, and Dan Potthast. It’s about a three hour long drive, and we did get to the Crocodile Rock at about 4 or 5 o’clock. We played a game of pool at the bar there (Mom won).

Mom called her sister Donna up who lives somewhere near Allentown, and Donna did what seems like the strangest thing–she actually up and left the house and came to hang out with us. (Her husband’s kind of a jerk, she never would have been able to just up and leave before; they’re getting divorced.) She also brought Laura, her youngest daughter, who’s a 15 year old sophomore now. I remember meeting her when she was little and chubby… now she’s about 5′1″ or 5′2″ and plays softball and is a cheerleader. We all ate dinner at the Crocodile Rock’s pizza joint, had a great time really. They got there really close to 7:00, and we parted ways around 7:30, because the show was supposed to be starting.

So Mom and I went around the building to get in through the Under 21 door for the show. There was a pit for the audience under 21, and everyone was crammed in there like sardines, even people who were smoking–right in the middle of this crowd. If there had been any problem, say, a fire, a lot of people would have died. That place is terrible. The bouncers tried to keep everyone from standing anywhere but the pit, which was already way too full by the time Mom and I got there. So we stood out in the shop area while Dan Potthast played. We stood out there for Zox, too, in the meantime Mom bought two of their CD’s. (We also each got a Streetlight t-shirt, and I officially have all of their CD’s now. She got a Zox sticker, too. And plenty of pictures of the drummer.)

When Streetlight came on, a lot of people shifted. And when they actually started playing, like three people in the front went further back to mosh, and Mom and I stole their spots. It was perfect: front row for the second time. They were pretty amazing, of course. Mom got some pretty good pictures of the band, and the one guy had this really cool-looking standing bass he played. The bouncers opened the garage doors to the left of the pit, and once the music really picked up so did the crowd surfers. There were probably over thirty of them total! It was insane. Then during one of the songs, Tomas stops and says, “I don’t know if there are rules here or what, but I want to see you float, Mr. Banana Man.” There was this kid in the pit in a banana suit. So when the song started up again, banana man went up and through the crowd. It was pretty hilarious; Mom got a picture of it.

After the show we all got herded out. Mom and I walked around for a while, and eventually we found their vans. One guy came out to drive one of them up to the door, and Zox started to put their stuff back into their little hitch on the back of their van. I think the drummer hit on me, but I’m not entirely sure. He looked very Scandinavian; not bad. Mom took a picture of this group of kids and the drummer and vocals of Zox with me in it, and then took one for us. And then Tomas came out. One chick got a picture with him before he had to run back inside. He said he’d be back in a few, so everyone who was standing out there waited.

The trombone player came out and Mom and I talked to him for a little bit. Then the trumpeter came out and Mom got a picture of him, and I got to ask the bassist what the standing instrument was that he played. Eventually Tomas came out again and Mom and I went over to him (before he started eating pizza), and we got a picture of him with me. Can we say “dream come true?” I was on cloud nine, not to mention he gave me a hug, too. (Insert fan girlish squeak here.) We told them where we came from and how long we had driven to get there, and mentioned the Norfolk show. It was pretty sweet to just be able to talk to them, like we’ve been friends for a long time. But Mom and I had to leave, because it was already midnight and we had anticipated getting home at 3am.

So much for that. We stopped at 2:00 at a rest stop to take a nap, because we were wiped. We both slept until 3 o’clock and then started back up again. We actually got home at five o’clock, in time to hear all the damned morning birds. Nicci came out to get me to fill out some form for prom he’s going to turn in for me tomorrow and to give me my ticket, then went back to bed. I found the mail on the table and picked mine out of the stack. I got three things: one was a letter from the Smile Train about donating money for the surgeries for those kids who’re born with the harelip or whatever it is (if I had the money, I probably would; but how do they expect me to donate money when I’m at the age where I have to think about paying for college, not to mention the rest of my life?). The second thing was a bill for my blood test the other week. The third was a letter from UNM saying that I’ve been awarded the Amigo scholarship.

After this I shall go to bed; and when I wake up, it will be prom day. Hopefully my bindis will come in the mail this afternoon so that I can wear one to the dance. Then I tell Mom about the scholarship. It’s worth $9,800.00 and comes with a $500 stipend every year. It’s a shame I can’t go.

[My blog post from the NorVa show in July 2007 reposted to Blogger.]

From today there are officially ten days of high school left for me, as well as for every other member of the graduating class of 2008. I’m excited for all the things that I hope to do over the summer, or at least until I start college (hopefully in the Spring of 2009). I will probably attend Marshall University at their College of Journalism in Huntington, WV. My goal in the long run is to get out of this state; in the short run, it’s to go see Streetlight Manifesto tomorrow night. I have a lot of micro plans and big plans and ambitions, most of which are either/or type of deals.. But I am determined to fulfill as many of them as possible. Just this week I have met one goal, which was to attend the certificate dinner at James Rumsey (the technical institute at which I’ve been taking automotive technology for the past two years). I also filled out an application to Marshall, and finally got my SAT scores (I took the test in June of 2007, they apparently received the scores on April 18th, and I finally got them yesterday). All I can say is that I am much more proud of my ACT score, even though they both would have gotten me the 24/1600 Club honor.

Tomorrow I am going to buy my ticket to go to prom with Jeff Kershner. Then my mom and I are leaving for Allentown, Pennsylvania, to see Streetlight Manifesto, Zox, and Dan Potthast. We’ll probably be home around 3 AM, and I may or may not go to school Friday. Then Friday night is prom; Jeff is taking me to Olive Garden for dinner, then we’ll be heading off to the Holiday Inn for the actual dance. After the dance he’s taking me home, because I don’t go to parties. I don’t see the point in getting drunk with a bunch of people I only half-like at best. Saturday I was invited to go to a carnival with a friend from the internet who lives about half an hour away from me; I’m not too keen on being the outsider in a group of him and his friends, so my bottom line is either Mom comes with me or I don’t go–and judging by her reaction, and my wanting to save money, it looks like I’m not going to go. Otherwise, Dad wanted to take me to this comic book shop in Hagerstown that we haven’t been to in years. That would probably be better, to spend some time with my dad while I’m still living here with them. Mom is already getting upset, and my high school year hasn’t even ended yet!

I also want to have a camp out with my few friends who will come, for a meeting of the Midnight Society (from Are You Afraid of the Dark?): we’ll have a tent (hopefully), the fire pit, a flashlight or two, and a book (at least one) of “scary” stories to read aloud. Mom also mentioned something about having a cotillion, basically, for me, as a graduation party, at the Purple Iris. It’s always been my dream to dress elegantly and go to a ball–you can tell I was exposed to Cinderella at a very impressionable age. Depending on where that sits (if it does happen) against the quarry gathering at the end of the regular school year, that will be my last hurrah with the friends I have here. Once I am graduated and my summer has officially begun, I’m not going to go out of my way to contact anyone anymore, except for a select few who do indeed try, because honestly I don’t think a lot of my so-called friends do put forth any effort into our friendships. They can call, text message, e-mail, Myspace, Facebook, or instant message me if they really want to stay in touch. Personally I hardly care either way, but I decided that my life is about me right now, and so I’m leaving it up to them now whether they want to remain friends or to move on.

Unfortunately, most of my plans for my break depend on when I start college. If I have to start in the fall, my plans will have to go much more rapidly than if I do actually start in the spring. Really I need a sanity break from this ridiculous educational system crap, but if I have to kind of lie to keep my Promise scholarship, then so be it: I’ll be taking the fall off so that I can help pay for my dorms at Marshall (since Promise basically covers the $4,000-some tuition; but living accommodations are over $6,000, books and supplies are about $1,000, and I have to live on campus for my freshman and sophomore years if I do go to Marshall). I’ll be taking up extra hours at the library once Danielle and Elizabeth quit, and may pick up a second job (hopefully at a jewelry store; I wanted to work in jewelry before I got my job at the library last year, but you have to be eighteen for contracts and whatnot and I wasn’t old enough at the time).

First on my list of activities to do is to go skydiving. I found a company called Skydive Virginia! that’s based in Louisa, VA, that do tandem jumps for about $240 for a first jump. I couldn’t find anyone to go with me, so I’m most likely going by myself. There are a few places I want to visit also, specifically the Mutter Museum in Philadelphia, the Moundsville Penitentiary in Moundsville, WV, and the Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum. The latter two are supposed to be haunted, and along with those I want to do the “ghost tour” in Harpers Ferry. Those endeavors aside, I also want to read Moby Dick, maybe sell some of my own writing, as well as some things on eBay for some extra cash. Then, if I can start college in the spring, in about September (because August has birthdays), I’m going to buy a month-long train pass for Amtrak, that runs around $600, and I’m going to hit any and every city I find interesting. I especially am curious about New York City, Montreal, Omaha, and Albuquerque. We’ll see how far thirty days really goes. I’m going to pay the $20 to have internet put on my mobile phone for that month and probably the next, so that I can update things like this, use my instant messengers, and check my e-mail without having to stop at libraries. If I have to start school in the fall, then I’ll be traveling in July probably, after the Fourth but in time so that I can be home for my sister’s and my dad’s birthdays.

I’m going to try to devote a good deal of time to my language studies. I really would like to improve my Chinese and my Portuguese, and pick up on some thirteenth or fourteenth hobby language. It’s just hard here to find materials for other languages, since most people here speak either only English or Spanish/English, and aren’t very open to learning new languages. I might try Korean. I know one word, and it’s the one for hello: anyunghaseo. It’s a nice flowing word, I think. But I definitely want to work on my Chinese. I love it, and I would like to have at least a decent grasp of the grammar and an at least adequate vocabulary (I can only really remember maybe ten words, not counting numbers), if not in Traditional/Simplified Mandarin script, but at least in Pinyin.

Well, I guess this is where I cut myself off for the night. Today was a busy day, for what it was: we didn’t have school because of vandalism at the bus garage, but I still had to go to work for three hours, and I took Anthony out to Quizno’s for lunch/dinner for his birthday (which was on April 9th; so I was almost a month late) just like I had promised him I would. (He told me that I didn’t have to, and I said, “Yeah, but I said I would; and if I don’t keep my word, I could get in the habit of it. Then I’d be an asshole like everyone else I know.” That’s the way it is, after all. You just get lazy if you let things slide, and I don’t want to be one of those friends who doesn’t go out of their way for theirs, even if my friends won’t go out of their ways for me.) Then I spent an hour or so with my mom in the kitchen, and then I was here at the computer. And now I’m going to spend some nice quality time with my comfy bed and my sweet dreams of Tomas Kalnoky (Streetlight Manifesto’s singer).

xoxo,
Sacha Lynn