The color red has the tendency to irritate me. And I know that you tend to see things differently depending on your mood; like maybe if I was happy, I would be counting blue cars instead. (Although, it is hard to miss all those red ones sticking out down there..)

The first weekend back at school is always the hardest. It hits me that I’m alone, whereas back home I had four people around almost constantly to keep me company when I wanted to have it. Here, all I get is mealtimes with Tyler, and Sunday afternoons. During the week I was fine, because I was so busy keeping track of my classes and getting back into the habit of having (and doing) my homework. But when I got back from dinner with a girl from my floor last night (Tyler ate while I was asleep… jerk), I pretty much had a breakdown. And it’s never about being lonely; it’s always about my body, and all the things I can’t change, the only things that ever make suicide seem okay.

Now, I’m not trying to get incredibly depressive, so I’ll spare the details. But to put it shortly, I’m depressed. (What a jump, right?) I’m going to drive myself crazy thinking about all these things I hate in people, and that ultimately I hate in myself. So it’s not really that I’m lonely, just that when I’m alone too long I get to thinking about all the things that make me miserable.

So much for that End-All of Misery Blogs, huh?..